Ah kids…dont you just love them? (smiles sarcastically)
Right my son who is 18 and knows everything about everything, in fact, I would go so far as to say that God never made a man wiser than himself till I gave birth to the son and heir… he has read my first blog and reckons I am going to confuse the hell out of anyone who isn’t Irish.
So just to stop this happening, here is a small glossary of Irish terminology for anyone struggling with a thesaurus for the last 45 minutes.
Allowance- In the states this would be known as pocket money, which you get for doing odd jobs in the garden, or yard for your Mom. Over here its what you get for slaving like an Egyptian for the little darlings you ruined your pelvic floor and sanity for.
Other wise known as Childrens Allowance/Mickey money its paid on the first Tuesday of every month and allows mothers to go to the local pub and get langers…. or to buy shoes and food for their little darlings…. Every mother in Ireland has at one time had the conversation with a cocky know it all child about “if thats children’s allowance, then I should get it not you” to which the universal reply is-
“Fill that up for me sch…weetie and this time not so much tonic water hic” while throwing a frozen pizza in the direction of the oven.
In America, Mickey is a cartoon mouse. Over here, a mickey is a penis. Hence, the term MICKEY money, cos by getting the mickey, you get the babies…you get me drift.
I dont call it mickey money any more since my ex got smart and demanded half…cos it was “his fucking mickey…” at which point I laughed like a musketeer, spilt me gin and spluttered-
“Thats what you fucking think sunshine”
Now, after you get the mickey, but before you get the mickey money, you may well look like Hammered shit… this is other wise known as morning sickness and needs no further explanation. However you might be sick enough to go to a GP.
A General Practitioner is another word for a doctor. It usually involves going to the surgery and sitting there for up to three hours waiting in a room full of people all on the skids down to the grave while you are only looking to have a wart on your arse burnt off or a letter for the social welfare… Its no joke getting sandwiched between an oul wan with a scorching case of shingles and an oul lad who is coughing flying phlegm into a hanky he cant get up to his mouth fast enough..
Langer/langers this is confusing. A langer is also a penis but this time its a Cork penis, not cork as in bottle, Cork as in COUNTY, in which case its also known as A PRICK,especially when its the referee in a Dublin versus Kerry GAA match, and if it lets them ( as in Kerry) get too many free kicks its a BLIND FCUKING PRICK.
Langers refers to a person who is intoxicated with liquor to the point of senselessness. This can happen on Mickey Money day, when the mothers wave the little darlings off to school and head to the local early house and partake of a bowl of coddle and a gin sling or three.
GAA our national game, one team for each county and bloodshed on the pitch most sundays culminating in the all Ireland final for which phenomena you will see thousands upon thousands of heads in Croke park who have brand new jerseys bought for the occasion who never stood in Parnell park or any other local pitch round the country, freezing their langer off in sleet thats falling at a ninety degree angle watching the b teams batter each other to unconsciousness.
Spectators to this sport often wonder if the players dont feel bad about beating the tar out of each other, to which query they get the reply-
“Sure fuck it, we arent related like”
The way people get langered in this country you could never be sure.
mysadoldlife 